Blessing in Disguise

Alright,

This covid-19 isn't stopping me from doing my short film. One way or another I will make a short film. Possibly not the one I already wrote, or that one but alternated, or I can just come up with a whole new story.
It's very annoying to change the story because I already had mine very planned out and envisioned.

I'm currently thinking....

Every time I type a few minutes pass....

I think I want to make the short about the psychological and societal effects coronavirus caused, but more in a positive way.

I personally feel that these days, I am the happiest I have been in a very very long time.

And it's crazy ironic because can you believe I wasn't really enjoying my life all that much before this? I was always stressed, tired, anxious, behind.... It was a repeated cycle because I felt that life was going on too fast. I needed some time for myself to really grow and think about my life and how I am being... The habits I have that I can improve, my goals, my passions.... Who I am.

And I'm sitting here wondering if this blessing of a realization came from all the meditation (because I have so much time on my hands now), or was it going to happen even if Coronavirus never happened. I feel blessed because I remember feeling very happy, confident, and certain about my life before high school. I did grow a little in high school as a person, but I feel like I was stuck for a while. I saw everyone else growing and discovering who they were, and I had no clue. I am just now realizing who I am and what I love. I'm just now learning to be confident, not care what other people think, and really care about myself in general. That was my problem before. I didn't care for some reason. I didn't care about anything. I stopped caring when I lost hope for the world and thought there was no hope in ever being happy.

However I realize now that I am in CONTROL of my life. I'm so happy. It's a beautiful think to understand who you are and love yourself simultaneously.

This is definitely helping me more confident in my work, or art work in general. The other day I freestyled a painting just trusting in myself. And I really like the outcome.

This whole thing is really freaky to me... Something historic is happening in my life. Although it's not the biggest deal (it's not WW2 or Hiroshima), it's still something that affected society and our views on things.

I want to make a short film about a girl who learns to be happy again. Hoping it's not a bad idea, I will try my best to work hard on this story to truly make it good. I wish I could film anywhere... I love using different settings in film!!! However, this is a challenge that I will have to face. I'll have to make a bad ass short film using only my house and my family because I am doing this project in the middle of a damn pandemic.


Much love,

Mariana